When you help out people having romantic problems, you’ll often encounter an issue where guys act unsure of themselves. As one searches the “manosphere” of men’s interest websites; it’s common to see “being more alpha” as the prescribed advice.
To be an “alpha male” is a term that comes from evolutionary biology and zoology. A pack of wolves is led by a dominant alpha, who manages the rest of the pack. If the other wolves identify him as a suitable leader, they will become betas and be subservient.
An alpha must then wrestle for control to sustain his position as the dominant pack-leader. If the alpha begins to show beta qualities, he will be usurped by the next aspiring alpha, who will then take charge of the pack.
The alpha typically handles the most responsibility, but also obtains the most spoils: the most food, the most sex, the most power.
The term also applies when a human is raising a dog. An owner must assert him or herself into the dominant position, or else even that little FuFu is going to walk all over you, demand attention, and control your life.
When a dog realizes you’re the dominant pack-leader, the dog may demonstrate “beta” signs such as rolling over on its back or keeping its head lower to you. This means the dog knows who’s in charge.
For various reasons related to evolutionary psychology, in the dating and attraction world men are taught to avoid “beta” tendencies or else women, who are naturally attracted to pack leaders, will feel turned off.
I don’t dispute that this is 100% true, but I will add a couple of additional points to this.
The first is that men tend to overdo it. Especially guys who only take a glancing look at this topic, or they hear advice from their bro-pack to be more “alpha”.
So they become louder, more aggressive, or more headstrong at the expense of common sense. These guys become very “try hard”. It usually creates an opposite effect, and is not really what being alpha is about.
The next point is that, while some people view everything from the prism of evolutionary psychology and wolf packs, I like to think more practically. I don’t really believe all behavior is fundamentally animalistic; humans have far more depth.
In this way the “alpha male” concept is not just limited to male “pack leaders”. There’s actually an information gap where more women should be taught similar concepts, but they’re not.
In truth, there’s not really so much of a gender difference as people think. For instance, in the context of dating and relationships, a woman who’s not very sure of herself is going to be less attractive and “dateable” compared to her counterpart. The same can be said about business and many other contexts.
Therefore, confidence is something everybody should try to learn. Whether or not this means you’re an “alpha” is a matter of semantics. However, it could be argued those in positions of power; confidently asserting themselves, are the natural “alpha leaders” of our society today.
While there might be a time to be a “beta” and remain more subservient; perhaps for the sake of following orders—there are other elements in your life where it is pivotal to adopt alpha characteristics.
By doing this, you’ll be a step ahead of this game. You’ll also become a LOT more charming.