The big takeaway point is that everybody has this construct persona, and the more you peel it away—the more you’ll find a natural, inner confidence that’s trying to burst out.
In a way, the phenomenon of being a “pack leader”, or a charismatic leader among a group of people, is that it’s the person who is not behaving through a construct-ego; but is rather fully in synch with their real personality.
And thus, when other people (“betas”) observe somebody who is fully synchronized, they may believe that they should emulate this person to obtain success (ie: creating construct-egos around the alpha). Common vernacular is that a person is “cool”.
Typically, when someone is very “cool”, they may possess a sort-of entourage of others who feel empowered just by being around the person. This could be because judgmental behavior is usually the fault of the construct-ego, and if somebody has shaken the construct-ego off; what’s left is the core personality that is not worried or threatened by others, and therefore very pleasant to be around.
And this is another reason the “alpha” attract and naturally lead people. Coming from core personality, a person automatically creates a sense of acceptance. The construct-ego is what’s so concerned about keeping up with people and questing for status and acceptance.
When you return to your natural state of mind, you’ll know it because you feel quite accepted as you are. Finally, you no longer feel you have to live up to societies expectations, because that construct-ego has been subverted.
Dimming the construct-ego is an unmistakable feeling, because it’s like a ton of bricks are lifted from your shoulders.
How to Tame the Construct-Ego
Is the ego completely useless? No. Adapting a personality based on societal feedback IS crucial.
When you think about it, it’s part of social skills. A two year-old with no construct-ego constantly breaks social conventions, but is deemed “cute” as a result. If that 2 year-old is a 22 year-old, it’s a different story, and “cute” might become “unhinged”.
You need just enough left-brain, logical personality alterations to stay within social norms, and be able to flow and adapt your behavior when necessary.
But it’s very apparent to notice when this behavior goes OVERBOARD. This is seen among people who are extremely self-conscious.
A very self-conscious person is using his or her construct-ego at 150% capacity, whereas it’s only meant for about 20% usage. Such a person is basing almost his or her entire personality on continual adaptation to people around him.
So, if you put this person in a social setting, like a bar or party, he will appear very much “in his head”, monitoring people’s reactions as he tries to figure out the best, probably fakest, thing to say or behavior to perform to fit in with the crowd.
Meanwhile, if you put somebody operating from core personality and not construct-ego in a social setting; that person will be seen as 100% more confident. Not in their head, not worried about other people, but in a “flow state” that people feel magnetized to.
But, even that person is still using a little bit of the old ego to figure out his or her social position relative to others; just it’s not the dominant force of his personality.
Now that we’ve cracked the mystery of “cool” and how popular people become popular—you might be wondering, “How can I become like that?” Let’s explore some exercises to break down the construct ego, and bring back some of your core, two year-old personality (minus the crying and pooping).