The trick to eliminating the construct-ego is to practice socializing. There’s literally no other way to do it. You can’t do it by sitting at home or reading books. Meditation can help you, especially by contemplating your identity and habits; but ultimately you have to get out of the house to put thought into action.
To make the process easier, here’s a step-by-step guide. Remember, you only have 30 days to obtain the confidence you want, so don’t procrastinate with this stuff.
This blogt isn’t some cheap thing to read to kill an hour or two. The point here is to actually take serious actions immediately after reading this, and aiming for a 30-day deadline of achievement.
Step 1: Identify Your Insecurities
Your construct-ego hides within your insecurities. It may involve whether or not you are attractive to the opposite sex, your status and popularity relative to your peers, your money, how smart you are, or countless other potential factors.
What you want to do is pull your insecurities out of the subconscious where they hide, and into the open.
Open up a Wordpad document on your computer, clear your mind a little bit, and then start writing your insecurities down.
Identify moments in your life where you may have been under-performing, because you were scared of showing weakness or failing. Bring back those feelings of trepidation. Maybe it was a public speech you were forced to perform at school, and you felt self-conscious.
Well, why were you self-conscious? Try to turn that feeling into a description.
Maybe you don’t like your voice-tone, or you were afraid people were judging you, or you feel a competitive spirit that makes you hostile to people you’re afraid are getting in your way.
A description of your insecurity may look something like:
I’m afraid that people are more popular than I am. When I’m around people who get a lot of attention, I wish I was getting that attention instead, because otherwise I don’t feel good about myself. I often try to change my personality to be more like the people I want to emulate, because I think it will help me to fit-in and get the attention and approval I want. But, these efforts don’t seem to really work, because I know it’s just my construct-ego and not my real personality.
Step Two: Identify Social Situations Where the Insecurities Manifest
Public speaking was a great example that I just used, but you need to figure out any and all potential locations and situations where your insecurities come out.
This may include:
- Dance clubs.
- Activity-oriented classes.
- Get-togethers with people you perceive as more successful than you.
- The presence of people you feel attracted to sexually.
- Groups of peers (people your own age with similar lifestyles).
- Any social situation where feelings of jealousy arise.
- Any social situation among people you disagree with (if you are a Republican, seek out a group of Democrats. If you’re a Christian, seek out an atheist get-together on Meetup.com).
Next, we are going to be seeking some of these situations out. So, figure out when, where and how you can find yourself in such appropriate social situations. Take some time to look at your schedule, and make it happen.
Remember, if you feel really uncomfortable with the idea of doing something, it means you’ve struck a nerve, and this means it’s something you HAVE to do.
Step 3: Reframe Social Success
This is a big one. The construct-ego works from a very specific framework: to get stuff from the world.
This is a consumption-based mindset, and it’s no wonder advertising and media fuel the construct-ego, as the purpose of advertising is to encourage you to consume greater goods.
It’s also focused on getting stuff like “love”. The very essence of the construct-ego is the idea that you are, at your core essence, not good enough.
The construct-ego will lie to you that by slicing up your core personality to fit invented standards, you can finally be worthy enough again.
So, what you must begin practicing is reframing your idea of social success, away from the idea of “getting” and, instead, to the idea of “giving”.
You see, the construct-ego has no affiliation with the idea of giving away the things it wants to other people. That would, after-all, be counter-productive.
If you go into the next social situation that would ordinarily bring out your construct-ego personality in full bloom; but you instead shift gears to a charity mindset, you’ll find the construct dissipates quickly.
You’ll want to think about providing the following things:
- Acceptance: Other people, and their construct-egos, usually just desire acceptance. So, give it to them.
- Appreciation: Notice people and the details of their lives, and show interest in those details.
- A social life: Invite people to parties and chances to be included in a group context. Again, it’s something most people crave.
- Fun: Everybody wants fun. From telling jokes to creating impromptu adventures, you can provide a great service in this way
Step 4: Eliminate Expectations
As you switch to a giving versus taking mindset; you may find the ego will still creep back into your behavior. You can usually tell, because you’ll feel a little bit of anxiety, and maybe even a conscious desire to act out from an egotistical basis.
This is especially true when you’re in an environment that would ordinarily test your insecurities.
One way to curb this behavior is to practice lowering, and removing, your expectations of other people.
One example: if you’re around a group of people wealthier than you are, remove your expectation for their approval.
Another example: eliminate expectations or desire for approval from the opposite of sex (I’m talking to you, gentlemen).
Furthermore, lessen personal expectations to impress or say and do things to make you seem popular. A terrible, ego-based mistake that people make is to try to be funny or try to be popular. Don’t be a nitwit. There is no expectation for you to impress people or make anyone laugh.
When people say “be yourself”, what they really mean is shut the construct-ego the hell up!
Odds are, some of your expectations are deep-rooted. This is something you have to be very conscious about, and work to eliminate.
Step 5: Keep Practicing
Your mental chatter, and MOST of your social inhibitions, are the result of your construct-ego getting in the way. The more you follow the prior steps to keep the ego at bay, the more you’ll find your overall confidence goes way up, because your core personality starts to shine through.
But, if you get rusty, that construct-ego WILL sneak back in again. The moment you start dwelling on other people’s opinions about your natural behavior, you’re feeding the construct.
Be very wary.
This part may have seemed a lot to take in. Just understand that the most important part of lowering the power of the ego is to confront it and train yourself to lessen its power.
The more your core personality comes out, the more you’ll naturally become more of an “alpha” personality. It takes perseverance and skill to tame the ego, and it’s one of the major factors that separates the wheat from the chaff.